What can I do to make this essay better(below)? it doesnt feel right to me.?
Question by King D: What can I do to make this essay better(below)? it doesnt feel right to me.?
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
In 1859 England officially took control over India, which became part of the British Empire. The British treated the Indians horribly and with no regard. When the Indians were unsettled they greased their bullets and everything the Indians could use as a weapon with pig fat because they knew the Indians wouldn’t dare touch it. They also forced them to grow crops like cotton instead of rice to feed their people, many Indians died of famine as a result. Finally, a man named Gandhi came and led India against the British! Gandhi, a political and spiritual leader for India during their independence movement, changed the world with his intelligence, peaceful methods, and his good will to help others.
Porbander, one of the six princely states in India owned by the British, was where Gandhi was born(Gandhi 1). His father was the Diwan, one of the chief leaders of the state, and Gandhi’s family was considered a high class in Hindu religion(Gandhi 2), a religion which had a great impact on Gandhi’s way of life as an adult. But when he reached adolescence, he went through a faze of atheism and he even broke his vegetarianism , but after getting married to his wife at the age of thirteen he was soon to get out of this “faze”(Gandhi 15). Later on when Gandhi turned 19, his parents decided to send him to England to study at the University College London. It was in London where he got interested in many religious texts, he even said once after reading Christian texts, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” After his studies, he returned back to India, but was unsuccessful with starting a law practice or a business. So he signed a contract with Dada Abdulla & Co. to go to the Colony of Natal in South Africa, part of the British empire.
When Gandhi came to South Africa in 1893 he became a successful lawyer, and the leader of the Indian Community to stop discrimination against the Indian minority. There he read books from famous authors such as Leo Tolstoy and John Ruskin, and he also read Hindu texts such as the “Bhagavad-Gita”, a famous Hindu epic. All these he read affected his own philosophy, causing him to get rid of all material possessions, such as his clothes as he became known for only wearing robes. He held his first Satyagraha, resistance with non-violent campaigns, and after his success he held more and more. His campaigns were so successful that he got the South African government to put an end to Anti-Indian discrimination.(Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia, EBSCOhost.com)
After spending around twenty years in South Africa, Gandhi returned to India. Back in his home country, he eventually became the leader of the Indian National Congress. He urged non-violence and civil disobedience as methods against the British. He held many Satyagrahas, and these landed him in jail four times. In 1947, five years after his fourth imprisonment, he had his breakthrough. He participated in the postwar negotiations with the British and the Muslim leader Muhammad Ali Jinnah, which led to Indian independence and the carving out of a separate state. But after all he had accomplished, violence broke out between the Hindus and Muslims which led Gandhi to start special fasts and tours in the disturbed areas. On January 30, 1948 while holding a prayer pacification, he was shot by a Hindu fanatic and killed.(who2.com)
Gandhi is considered to be the “father” of India, and is also considered by many to be the man of the 20th century. To him, it didn’t matter what race or religion you are, but whether you are a good person and you have done something to make this world better. The father of Satyagrahas, Gandhi was the first man ever to use the idea of peace and non-violence on such a large political scale. For him, there was no need for violence. He often stated, “No one can hurt me without my permission”. For his good being and all he has achieved, Mohandas (which means “great soul”) Karamchand Gandhi has stamped his name in history.
Best answer:
Answer by Jack
Is this an essay for school? Do you need references? I would start with inserting citations or footnotes for example when you quote Gandhi in his quote “No one can hurt me…”
Give your answer to this question below!
it sounds good and i agree with the preivious answer in the fact that you should add reference to where you get the qoutes from.
first of all, what is your topic? by the end of the first paragraph, i should know what you’re talking about. i’m unclear about your point throughout the entire essay.
When the Indians were unsettled they greased their bullets and everything the Indians could use as a weapon with pig fat because they knew the Indians wouldn’t dare touch it.
revision:
When the Indians were unsettled (insert comma) (with what?) they (who is “they”? sounds like the indians greased their own bullets) greased their bullets and everything (anything, not everything) the Indians could use as a weapon (insert comma) with pig fat because they knew the Indians wouldn’t dare touch it. (why wouldn’t the indians dare touch it?)
that’s an example of how you should revise your paper. whenever you state something, ask yourself who? what? when? where? or why?. as my writing teacher always says, pretend the reader is a “dummy”. yes, she’s 59 years old, and that’s what she told the class.